"beacause I'm A Man", sent to me by Kelly Options

[sin]

BECAUSE I'M A MAN...


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set
in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and
break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same
thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything
for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is
a spice)
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will
just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put
it back together.

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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I
may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to
survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have
to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother,
or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day
is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother too.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at
least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is
fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year
2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do
the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the
garden with a beer wondering what to do.
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This has been a public service message for Women to
better understand the Male.