"beacause I'm A Man", sent to me by Kelly Options

[sin]

BECAUSE I'M A MAN...


Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car I
will fiddle with a wire long after hypothermia, or heat stroke, has set
in. AAA is not an option. I will win.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very
well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm
looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used
to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then drink beer and
break wind as a form of Holy Communion.

_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you this isn't a problem.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to
find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same
thing. And never, under any circumstances, expect me to pick up anything
for which "feminine hygiene product" is a euphemism. (F.Y.I. guys cumin is
a spice)
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops
working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will
just cost me twice as much, once the repair person gets here and has to put
it back together.

_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote
control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I
may miss an entire show looking for it (though one time I was able to
survive by holding a calculator)...applies to engineers mainly.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm
thinking about. The answer is always either sex, cars or football. I have
to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother,
or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think
about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother's Day
is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget to pick up something
for my mother too.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't....
and if you are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at
least remember the name and recommend it to others.
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is
fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either
pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is
fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?
_____________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year
2005, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do
the rest... like looking for my socks, or like wandering around in the
garden with a beer wondering what to do.
_____________________________________________________
This has been a public service message for Women to
better understand the Male.

[bozodog]

Must be pick on men day. Just read this on another forum...

A new two year degree is being offered at LIFE UNIVERSITY that many of you should be interested in: BECOMING A REAL MAN. That's right, in just six quarters you, too, can be a real man, as well as earn an AA degree (AA Real Men). Please take a moment to look over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR:

Autumn Schedule
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You Too Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS - Learn When To Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 We Do Not Want Sleazy Underthings For Christmas

Winter Schedule
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding The Female Response to Getting In At 4 a.m.
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn't End With Conception
EAT 100 Get A Life, Learn To Cook
ECON 001A What's Hers Is Hers

Spring Schedule
MEN 120 How NOT To Act Like A Butthead When You're Wrong
MEN 123 Reasons To Give Flowers
ECON 001B What's Yours Is Half Hers (Must Pass ECON 001A)


SECOND YEAR:

Autumn Schedule
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It's Awake, Take a Shower
MEN 201 How To Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 202 How To Put The Toilet Seat Down
ELECTIVE (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How Not To Act Younger Than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be A Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest - You Don't Look Like Tom Cruise - Especially Naked
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important 1

Spring Schedule
MEN 221 Fluffing The Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask For Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging Is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays And Anniversaries Are Important 2

Course Electives
EAT 101 Cooking With Quiche
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping And Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mother-in-Law
MEN 232 Appear To Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say, Yes Dear
ECON 001C Cheaper To Keep Her (Must Pass ECON 001B)

[robroy]

101 not all are stoopid
102 I can run a vacuum cleaner
103 I always keep mouth shut ( when I'm asleep)
104, no Christmas
110 throw them in the washer, throw them in the dryer, wear them
111 your dumb enough to wake her you deserve everything you get
112 doesn't start till rugrat is born (help)
100 can make toast and cereal
001a of course
120 never wrong
123 what's flowers?
001b its all hers ( she will spend it anyway)
sex101 no I can't
sex 102 cold
201 why?
202 use your foot
can't get beyond this point, course is getting too hard

[dilandou]

wimmin r teh bullarhs! i knew there was a reason i was voluntarily single.

[sin]

because your pc cant talk back to you?

[dilandou]

that, and it doesn't demand that i understand it's feelings when it's a proven impossibility .











plus computers don't have mothers to turn into mother in laws. Very Good Thing.

[robroy]

that, and it doesn't demand that i understand it's feelings when it's a proven impossibility happy.gif.











plus computers don't have mothers to turn into mother in laws. Very Good Thing.

Two excellent points dil

[sin]

i like my pc more than i like most people. it doesnt hurt me or make me cry.

[dilandou]

my pc makes me cry... but only when i lose 90gb of anime due to a hdd head crash. [prays it never happens]